Saturday, July 31, 2010

Chapter 2 - Star date...too freakin late to be driving!

So where did I leave off?? Oh yeah - flaming michal jackson packing and nobody to look after Crayzee...

Ok - so...through what I can only explain as a miracle of God, I get an e-mail from Mary Puppins at exactly 8pm...I quickly make a call in hopes that I'm lucky enough to have the awesomest of awesome friends who can take my fur-punk for 4 days with less then an hours notice...especially since said friend had just gotten back from the states only minutes before e-mailing me - yup! That makes me that ass friend who's always asking for sumpthin at the worst possible moment...Turns out - Mary Puppins is a Goddess who agrees to take my drooly pooch and without a minute to spare, DH is downstairs cursing at the kennel as he folds it up to cram into the back seat of the civic with all of CD's stuff so that we can make the break-neck-speed journey to J's house! So - we deliver Miss Daisy (again - because I'm the ass friend and Mary Puppins is a Goddess) and bolt home so that I can shower and pack my own stuff and get my annoyed and almost sleepy buns into the car...The next 2 hours are a blurr...I remember running water - soap in my eye...legs that should have been shaved but went un noticed - pitts that I could have shaved but weren't (solely for the purpose of catching DH's attention ;) random clothes flying into a bag, random bags being jammed under my legs, the car door slamming shut - ignition...and (insert intense tone of aggrivation and annoyance here ) and...HIM. >:( And at 10:30 we were Pizza the opposite direction...cuz the kids still hadn't been fed! After pizza, (which was very yummy - even at 10pm) we were almost off again! (we had to drive passed the house cuz I forgot to grab the map off the printer and the peanut butter off the counter...and the cell phone charger...and my wallet... :( And THEN we were off!! (at 11pm)

Midnight...we stop at Tim Hortons where a very large chested woman with a lip piercing stood on display in front of the counter. She didn't work there (although DH and I both believe her to be a hooker - in which case she totally DID work there! he he) She was almost posing for people who pulled up...and made it a point to say "Hi!" to DH twice! lol
1:00am - I'm taking every possible moment to remind him how bad this idea is...
2:00am - Stop at Tim Hortons again...Guess who's getting sleepy?!
3:00am - still tormenting
4:00am...getting closer...We're starting to read the map.

By 5am - I'm exhausted - I can't sleep in the car - Every time I start to doze, HE speaks...or makes a noise or does something that causes me to jerk awake! Only Thing2 has managed to sleep much - Thing1 is wide awake and at this point DH is starting to identify the holes...the massive gaping - grand canyon size craters in his the time difference! It wasn't almost 6 - it was almost 5! Nothing was open, - I hadn't slept and couldnt'...He was exhausted, the kids were barely awake and things were not looking good.

We found the aquarium first because it was on our way to the camp ground and tried to sleep in the car. Turns out, the security guard didn't like our plan and sent us on our way...a half hour later, we're parked in the camp ground parking lot...and it's a ghost town. It's clear that they're full...but there's nobody in the office and no sign of life anywhere...and it doesn't open for almost 2 hours!!! I'm sore - I'm cranky - I neeeed sleep and am reeely hoping the camp ground people will let us have our site early...and I'm also reeeely hoping for that meteor!

Chapter 1 - Vacation - As long as the kids have fun...

"I'm gonna blog the sh%# out of you when we get home!" These were the last words spoken to DH in the last moments of our he's been warned. Many who read this will laugh - most will acknowledge that "boys are dumb" and all will agree that I married a primate...but he's a cute primate and he's all mine! :) (that last part was only added on the off chance that monkey-man reads this post)

The plan...

Monday - Get the house cleaned (cuz no Mom likes to come home to a trashed house) and Pack - get to bed early.

Tuesday morning - bright and early - hop in the car with Thing 1 & Thing 2 and drive many hours. I can work on a couple of crochet projects that I need to finish while DH drives - yay!Check in time at the camp ground is approx' 3pm. (cuz I've done all the planning and checked the web site thoroughly) Set up and settle in...make dinner over an open fire - then squeeze in some sight seeing (maybe stroll around old quebec). Bed time kinda early cuz Wednesday is water park day!!!

Wednesday morning - hit the water park all day long - Head back to the camp ground after 7pm when it closes. (All of us happily exhausted) and have a quiet night of marshmellow roasting, story telling and fun family time.

Thursday morning - Hit the aquarium and spend the better half of a day...then off to check out Mount Morency Falls - ride the cable car - take a few pics...then head back to the camp ground. I'll do laundry and tidy/pack up a little while DH makes dinner and the kids play (cuz we'll have to leave in the morning) one last bonfire with mellows and family time - shower and bed.

Friday - sleep in a little, pack up and head home by 11:00...which brings us home by 7-8ish....Toss Thing 1 & Thing 2 in bed and relax from a fun filled and relaxing vacation.

Looks like a great plan huh?! Yeah well - this is the "boys are dumb part"...well - the 1st of many of those "boys are dumb" moments.

So - Monday is insane! I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off but I'm not freaked out yet. I've got my missions all planned out and know what order I have to do everything in. I'm working on packing the car - rounding up coolers and sleeping bags etc. The girls have packed their bags, I'm off to pick up groceries...we'll be off brigth and early - life is good. I get back from grocery shopping at around 5:30, and that's when DH dropped the bomb. HE slept all day, so HE has the brilliant idea that we should leave TO-FREAKIN-NIGHT!!!!! What in the name of hell makes sense about THAT idea??!!! HE figures that if we leave at midnight, we'll save an overnight at the camp ground and be able to get started sooner on the fun stuff!

***Let's pause for a moment so that I can address all my fellow Mom's who are reading this post*** You know those moments when you are faced with sur-real block-headedness...where the shere ridiculousness of the idea being proposed is only obvious to you as you mentally process the titanic sized crap-throw that you will face because of it...and because murder is illegal everywhere, and meteor's never fall from the sky with the precision that you would need in moments like that, you go along with it - knowing full well that it's all going to go badly??

This was one of those moments!***

Where was I?? Oh yeah - Monkey Man was reeling with glee over the awesomness of his spontoneity. He even dug out the memories of when a 26 year old me surprised him after work on a saturday by having the car packed to go to PEI for the weekend.

**pause again -

1st...I was 26
2nd...Thing1 was 3 and there was no Thing2
3rd...PEI is only 4 hours away!!!
4th...We needed Waaaay less stuff, didn't have a dog and everything was cheap!!!
5th - I WAS TWENTY-FREAKIN SIX AND WE ONLY HAD 1 KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**deeep breath**

So - there I sat like the little guy in the crows nest of the Titanic...watching the ice burg getting closer and closer - knowing that no matter what I did...things were about to suck...alot...and I was the only one who could see it. I know that all other Moms who have read this far have already calculated that HE is the only one who slept all day and by the time we get there at the crack of sun-up - I will have been up for over 24hrs - HE will have been up for over 12...but Thing1 & Thing2 will have had just enough sleep to not be sleepy - but not enough to not be cranky...Just in time to start a full day of trying to stay awake on our first day of "fun" - AND I'm going to have to fast track the packing and have zero time to tidy up before we leave!! The only scenario worse then that is smelling dog poop but not being able to see it!! Both scenarios end with me holding a fist full of crap!!!

Oh - did I mention that the vet didnt' give Dayzee her kennel cough vaccine (that I specifially asked for when I took her in on Friday) so I couldn't take her to the kennel for the 3 days like we had planned...and I still wasn't able to confirm everything with Mary Puppins either so I was going to be stuck leaving Mom to look aver Crayzee for 3 days!! (**insert heart wrenching - gutt churning - this is all wrong feeling here!!*)

And so - I was off, like a flaming Michael Jackson - running all over the place trying to pack like a freak with my mind totally out of focus!!!

Ok - I'll pause there and continue later cuz we haven't even left the driveway and I'm already exhausted!!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Mary Puppins broke my puppy! :)

Well - Crazy Dayzee spent 3 days and 4 nights with "Mary Puppins". As I understand it - there was some serious puppy play time going on :) I can honestly say, that I have no doubt that it was a crazy good time cuz Crayzee D is pooped! I brought her home at 10:30ish this morning. She walked into the house, paying almost no attention to anyone (compared to her usual crazy drool action). I put her kennel back up, I opened the door and without even asking, she walked inside and flopped on the floor...where she has remained flopped ever since!! (we did take her out to pee a couple of times, but not without some serious coaxing!) DH asked if we should hold a mirror in front of her face a time or two cuz she's not budging!

I think Mary Puppins broke my puppy!! :)

On a more mushy note, though, I have to say that "Mary" is a seriously great friend and I soooo appreciate her taking my pooch! If you think about many people do you know who would (with less then an hours notice) take care of a Saint Bernard for 4 days without even batting an eye?? Thanks a million my friend! :) and Daisy thanks you too! or at least...she will once she gets some rest - he he - thanks for that too!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Doggie banter...

We took Crayzee Daizee to the dog part today and she got to play with a great dane named "Lexy" and a little mix named "Odie" (who was one of the puppies found in a rubbermaid container at Odell Park). I had to mind a testicle toting chocolate lab who was humping the crap out of her non stop. Like - she couldn't take 2 steps and he was on her!! She tried to drink and he was on her! She'd stop - he was on her! Where was the owner?? Well - Mr. Chuck Norris Wannabe was sitting merrily on the bench watching the entire thing!!! (note - if you're sitting on the bench while your dog is mounting the crap out of other dogs, know 3 things...
1st - you're stupid and I don't like you cuz you're a bad dog owner!.
2nd - It's not hawt for the the dog being humped...they are not having fun and will not need a cigarette afterwards
3rd - You need to cut his damn nutz off!!!
Needless to say, after I barked at "Mr. Nutz" twice and DH physically removed him from Crazy D - both the owner and dog left with ther nutz in tact. (ugh that makes me mad!!!) I know it's a dominance thing but holy crap!!! When that is allllll your dog wants to do - put him on freakin estrogen or something!! ( or maybe get your damn ass up off the bench and mind your dog!!!

Ok - moving on. CD decided to in #2. DH - as is typical - groans in disgust and frustration. (*note - Mr. Rugged and Manly will vomit if he has to pick up poop. He has been known to vomit off of the front deck if he tries and so...His groans drive me mental since I am the one left with the dirty deed!! While he's groaning at the poop - I'm groaning at his disgust cuz I'm always always...did I say always?? Cuz I really meant ALWAYS have to clean up CD Poo! (Gawd knows I love the man but holy crap! no punn intended) Anyway...the point of this point is that if you let your saint bernard - Vege-terrier cross eat lots and lots of baby carrots...weirdness will happen the next day! lol I was concerned for a split second until I realized it was only carrots...then I I thought "cool!"...then I cleaned it up and carried on. (It's weird that I thought poo was cool I think)

After play time was over, we took sleepy Daisy home and gave her a bath. I washed and hosed and scrubbed while thing 2 fed her enough cheese to keep her entertained and keep her from runnign...and now - she's asleep on teh love seat upstairs (which I will also have to bath this afternoon)

And...with any luck - we'll get to leave for vacation at some point this week - if I'm able to make arrangements with "Mary Puppins" :) More on that later :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010


16 feet of lattice - $12
3 pressure treated deck board - $10
No longer wanting to strangle your saint bernard puppy...Priceless!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Toad Warrior

First, I have to say that I feel like a twit for turning this blog into the "drool-chronicles" (Lightbulb! that would be a cool name for a blog! ) Anyway - Between work and Puppy has been pretty busy.

The Great Toad Warrior...I took Daisy-May for a walk in the rain. It was dark - I'm un coordinated - bad idea! Plus - my imagination convinces me that I'm seeing a huge puddle creature type thing that I almost stepped on with my slimy flip flops. My brain responded before I made eye contact, forcing me into a completely un graceful and enormous leap in no particular direction - to avoid stepping on it. (note - thank gawd for yoga pants!) than my senses kicked back in and I realized it was a toad. Cool! Daisy had never seen a toad before - and so...I made her sit - I crouched on her right, with 1 arm around her shoulders and the other on her chest...and then...she saw it!!! HOLY MERCIFUL HELL!!! It was as though it were race day and she was freakin sea-biscuit stuck behind the gate!!! She was hopping and twisting and bouncing and carryign on like a fool trying to get at the savage beast that was hopping away into the darkness. Once it was clear that it was gone...I'm sure I read the thought balloon over her head that read something like..."if there be 1 - there be more!" and all bets were of for the rest of our walk! She was sniffing and looking and dragging and paying zero attention to the world around her!!! All she wanted (according to the thought balloon over her head) was "MUST CATCH HOPPING THING!!!". I'm hoping that as she ages, her mind will develop more then 1 track. Since then - I can't take her out in the rain cuz it's nose to the ground in search of the wart trail that will lead her to the hopping things!!!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sunday, July 18, 2010

$1.49 = 1 happy puppy!

Thank heavens she's a polite eater!

Saturday, July 17, 2010


There's something to say for floating down the Nashwaak for over 4 straight hours...That's what I did today. Thing 2 and I tagged along with BFF and her crew...waterproof bags in tow, we waited over an hour (even with our reservation) to get in a truck and be dumped into the river...then the fun began. :) The water was very low, though, so it took a while longer then was normal cuz we had to get out alot and drag out tubes over the 2 inch deep water. But there was many a sight to see - one of which confirmed that I don't look half as awful as I think I do in a bathing suit. (Having all my teeth and being sober helps too) It's amazing what you see in the wild.

When I got home, I was very excited that I had a tan! then I looked a little closer and nope - no color at all...the sun simply connected my freckles. :( Oh well - the up side is that the water was sooper warm, so I didn't break out in hives at all!! (What can I say...I'm weird) and now thing2 is addicted to tubing and wants to go again and again and again...Maybe I'll have to tell her there are leaches in the water so that we wont' have to go back too soon...I'm not sure my arms will recover from all that paddling! :)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

More personal growth

June 23rd...

July 6th...

I can't see the difference...can you see the difference??

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Percy Jackson Cake

I'm posting this way later then planned, but here it is...shimmer and all :)

It was soooo hot out that day, I'm surprised that the frosting didn't slide completely off the cake! In any case, I got a call from the Birthday girl who says she LOVED it! :) WOO-HOO! 4 layers of yummy goodness, wrapped in fondant and frosting. the sneaker was rice krispies wrapped in modeling chocolate. The shimmer was just for fun...but I like it. :)

Water goggles...

Conversation heard from the pool...

B - where did my goggles go
S - dunno
B - did you take them?
S - no - where did you leave them??!

Mystery solved...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

there is nothing more vile...

Then the stench of a Saint Bernard Pyppy's fart! :s Just thought you should know...

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Percy Jackson & the Lightening Thief cake

I got the coolest request for a "Percy Jackson & the Lightening Thief Cake".  The request - however cool though it may be - does pose its share of challenges.  1st - WTH does a "Percy Jackson & the Lightening Thief Cake" look like?!  How in the world do you make a lightening bolt cake??!  Ugh!  I thought I had been trumped until I found this book cover on line!  So - now I'm picturing a gold shield, a flying sneaker, navy frosting with piped lightening bolts and golden waves circling the base.  Ooo - ooo - and -and - some funky blud fondant pearls!!  :)  So far, I have a 10" round 7up pound cake baked and ready to go! :)  I'll keep you posted with pics as I go :)

Fun at the water hole...

Last night, the girls and I visited a "secret swimming place for pooches".  I'd tell you where it is, but then I'd have to shoot you! :)  It's hidden, and has high banks on each side, so poochies can't escape without serious effort and...quite truthfully...why the heck would they want to??!!  Look at it!!  :) 

Daisy played for ages and ages.  She has not quite convinced herself that she can swim, but was happy to romp and play in the water and chase rocks! :) 

The girls splashed and played.  They chased minno's and tried to catch tadpoles.  A great time was had by all. 

For as long as I live, this will always crack me up!  Gotta love the crazy look in the eye of a puppy with too much skin!!  LOL

And when we left, I saw the face of a very sleepy puppy who had a terrific time!  

(We also saw millions of long and icky slugs that were phlegm yellow at one end and tranformed into a dead flesh grey at the other...S had a hysterical meltdown over the intire thing...but I tried to focus on the happy puppy cuz...well...the slugs were pretty freakin gross!