Saturday, June 9, 2012

Releasing the skinny Baker

I've never posted about my weight before, but it's time. 

It's ironic - really - my Nan used to tell me that nobody trusts a skinny baker...but I've never been a skinny baker.  I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I've been on every diet plan known to man - from weight watchers to Nutri-system but because it never addressed the cause of the weight never stuck and the weight came piling back.

My first "real" weight loss was in grade 11 when I transformed form the fat girl who everyone liked but no boys wanted to date...then i dropped from 210lbs to 169lbs and suddenly boys wanted my number.  After high school, my weight climbed slowly and by 1998 I weighed 230lbs.  The day before baby #1 was born, I weighed in at 350lbs (I only lost 40lbs when I had her - she weighed 12lbs 8oz).  I worked off a bunch of the baby weight but was stuck at 220lbs until 2000 when I began to lose again.  By June of 2001, I dropped back to 160lbs for the first time since I was 18!!   I was newly divorced and newly in love - living off of soup, cigarets and Lust...I'm not complaining ;)  It had its good points - but even though I was skinny, I wasn't healthy.  I was squishy and had zero muscle tone - smoked a half a pack a day and ate terribly.  

A couple years later, I quit smoking when I found out that baby number 2 was on the way - which eliminated the need for all skinny clothes. (I kept the Hooters tank top for old time sake though. ;) By February 2004 I was back to my "go to" weight.  The weight that - no matter how hard I try, I can't get passed.  It's a weight my body clings to and won't go lower than...It's the weight I would be "stuck" at for the next 6 years...190lbs. (OMG - Did I just post that number on my blog! ) I hate that number...but my bodly clings to it and I can't ever get below that number. 

I thought that not being able to get below 190lbs was the worst thing until about 2 years ago. Christmas 2010 I put on 20lbs...and kept it on.  I started 2011 weighing 210lbs but by Christmas 2011 I was back up to 225lbs.  I was miserable and felt tight in my own skin. Having to buy plus size 18 jeans...just so I could breath was like a punch to the stomach.  None of my work clothes fit and even my "fat clothes" which I dug from the back of my closet were tight...but I didn't change anything.  Christmas passed and I managed to drop back to 220 but that was only because I wasn't eating 3 full course turkey dinners and entier boxes of chocolate every day.  The size 18 jeans stopped cutting off my circulation, though, so I still didn't change anything and lived in my 220lb body.   

I don't know what flipped my switch but, in April, something did. I'm 37 (darn close to 38) in a life that is jammed full of challenges and chaos that pretty much exceed the average household. That's not a complaint - it's my norm and I've accepted it - but...I finally accepted responsability for myself and realize that I MUST do something to take care of that I can continue to take care of my loved ones. I started to look back on my life and realized that I have never ever done anything that was just for me alone.  I have never done anything to take care of myself - something that was good for me and that I was protective of.  I saw myself following in my Moms footsteps and knew I had to do something about it...and I have.  I started walking on my lunch break. 1 hour of just me and the trail. The first few days were rough - and the shin splints were torture...but I loved every minute of the sweaty exhausting journey!  I turned up my music and carried on - rain or shine! :)  And that's how I started my journey towards releasing the skinny baker within, :)

In the last 2 months, here's what I've done...

1. I walk every day for 1 hour (Either on the trail or treadmill).
2. I have increased from 4km in 1 hour to 8km in 50 minutes
3. I have only missed 5 days of walking since I started, but (except for 1 day) replaced my walk with many hours of physical labour (my yard was a mess! :)
4. I stopped eating after 7pm (mostly).
5. I replaced late night snacks with tea, lemon water or vegetables.
6. I watch serving sizes and stick to them.
7. I cut back on portions (but haven't missed it at all because I don't have the appetite for it.)
8.  I cut out junk (mostly...I'm still human after all)

I haven't been following a scripted diet and I'm really bad at knowing what to eat so I've kept it simple.  I fit in more fruit and veggies, make sure I eat breakfast, cut out junk, drink more water and don't eat late...and if I fall off the wagon and have a cheat day (which I've done 3 times so far)...i drink extra water the next day and try to fit in some extra exercise...but I don't stress over it.  It was all really easy to implement and yes, I've had to look will-power in the face a bunch of times but it has been good and I'm proud of what I've accomplished. :)  Oh right - I forgot to mention...

I'VE LOST 30LBS!!!!!!! :) 

Yup!  It's true!!  I've had to replace my walking clothes cuz the old ones are all too big - I have brand new baby muscles showing up and I'm down to 189lbs!!!!!

I'm not done yet either...Honestly - at this point I don't really look at it as having lost weight because I "broke even". I'm back to my "go to" weight and I know I'll have to work for the rest...but I have to. I want to. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and noticing what's wrong. I'm proud of the progress I've made and it wasn't hard...I really have enjoyed all of it and feel "rusty" if I don't go for a walk. For thei first time in my life, I'm doing something for me because I need to...because ...My life is full of challenges that are not my own.  To face them I must be I will walk.  I will be healthy and fit for my girls...because they need me...because the challenges that I have to face are theirs too.

I'm doing this for me because I want my girls to be proud when somebody says "You're just like your Mother" :)

1 comment:

Auntie Em said...

Congrats on your progress Hollee! {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}} You are amazing!!! :)